I do not like the G-word. You know the word I’m talking about – that word they call women whose children have the nerve to have children too. With absolutely no thought at all as to how it will affect their mothers who are then forced to deal with the prospect of having a new name. The G-word name.
I know everyone is thinking that I don’t like it because it makes me feel old but that’s not it. The reason I don’t like it is because I’m selfish. I don’t like to share. If you don’t believe me, just ask my husband’s mistress.
I don’t want to be known by the G-word. I want a name of my own, not some geriatric, oops I mean generic, version that does not reflect the real me. I want a brand name.
I don’t mean brand name like the one my husband plans on using: Papa John. That’s pretty delicious but it’s still a half-baked idea to share your name with pizza.
No, I want something more personal, a name of my very own, and I think I’ve made my decision: Grand-Deb. This was actually a suggestion of my daughter’s and good thing too, considering she’s the one who put me in this predicament in the first place.
Yeah, yeah, I know this still could be considered a G-word, but it’s MY G-word.
The second part of the name, Deb, makes sense of course. However I am surprised that she came up with this because in my entire life there has never been a woman who has shortened my name to Deb.
The only people who have ever called me Deb were men. I’ve always wondered about that. Why is it only the guys who have ever called me Deb?
Are they just too lazy to say two syllables? Maybe it’s just too time consuming in the same way it’s too difficult to lower the lid. If they know they can get my attention with one syllable, then why waste two, right?
Or are they planning ahead, thinking that if ever the need arises for them to write me, then Deb is short and easy to spell?
Or maybe they like it because it rolls off the tongue like good one-syllable cuss words do.
If anyone out there, male or female, would like to speculate the answer to this question then leave a comment.
Meanwhile, it’s time for me to get cracking on creating discreet schemes to ensure that my grandchild refers to me by my brand name. I’m sure I’ll be able to help her learn quickly that the generic G-word is not nearly as good as the Grand-Deb version of me.